Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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