im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
