The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
