Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
