I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
