I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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