I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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