....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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