I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
