i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
