Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
