Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
