my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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