Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
