Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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