Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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