I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
