you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
