Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
