Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
