my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
