im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
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I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
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I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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