Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
