So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
