Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
