We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
