you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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