fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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