genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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