her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you would pick up someone in the library
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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