I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
