We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
