you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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