I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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