Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
