What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
