i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
