remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
