Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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