I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My life is pants optional.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize