Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
