So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize