Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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