i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
