I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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