Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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