I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
