you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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