Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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