This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
