he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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