Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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