Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
