just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
