i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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