Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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