Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
