how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
