i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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